[OPINION] The Dilemma of a Man Who Desires to Marry a Second Wife

By Anayo M. Nwosu

I know a lot of men, some of who are my friends, who at one point or the other had seriously considered taking second or third wives in near succession. Upon extensive discussions, those friends of mine have their reasons for their intentions but I suspect undisclosed reasons which are the desire for variety and a bid to jettison monotony.
God will punish anybody that would ask if I too have also contemplated marrying another wife or replacing the existing one, being that birds of the same feathers, they say, flock together.

As men get older and are beaten by the weather of harsh economic downturns, they tend to review or regret their marital choices especially if their wives have not measured up in helping them to shoulder monetary demands at home.

It is now a common place to see couples fight as kids prepare to go back to school or when house rent payment is due.

Bobo, my friend, wanted to marry another wife who he believed would add more economic value to him. He had identified Sharon, an unmarried lady working at NNPC.
Bobo had earlier married a well behaved lady who became a housewife, who loved and worshipped him; a woman who never argued with him and a wife who had accepted the scantily rationed lovemaking he offered with loud appreciation.

One of the accusations Bobo had heaped on his hapless wife was that she could not flute or lick his phallus, that sinful act a tongue-speaking wife would rarely do. He blamed the poor woman of lack of versatility in bed.

Bobo’s wife married him a virgin and had only learnt that one-way style Bobo taught her; that missionary position he laid her on their first night to remove her tamper-proof. Now, piety and calmness have become a crime for Bobo.

A ten minute talk with Bobo's wife changed everything.

Ever seen a woman so desirous of keeping her marriage? She could do anything including visiting altars or covens to keep her man.
I don't know how she did it, but my friend's wife has since rebranded. A peep into how razor-sharp Bobo’s wife has become or how romantic damsel she has turned into could be ascertained from her new fashion sense and how she leaves some parts of her body open for onlookers to salivate. Most married women do that now.

The lesson is that every wife should rebrand and be competitive or be ready to have a strayed or a straying husband.

Don’t mind that husband that pretends that he doesn’t want new things. We all do. Some even lust for old things as long as they offer “change”. That’s how useless men could be. This includes alfas and men of God.

Lawful polygamy, the one Ozuomee, my uncle practised, had all these sorted out as a needy man would have wives of varying ages with different sizes and shapes at home hence quenching the need to look outside. We have all embraced monogamy and things have fallen apart.

In the eastern Nigeria, our ladies working in concert with the churches have criminalised polygamy. Besides, the wife whose bed has been divided would fight back by manufacturing enmity between her children and their father who only exercised his Abrahamic rights.

Most modern Igbo men I know, who braved it to take second wives have lost the lovely relationships with their children courtesy of their lovelost wives.

Many today's men who marry more wives spend their later years in a hostile family environment. The aging man, most often than not, has to resort to the children of the first wife for succour as the second or third wives and their children would be busy plotting how to corner the living man's property and other assets.
Could it be that French men understand the dynamics of marriage that well in that they keep mistresses instead of bringing in the new women to become the second or third wives?
Once an European man's taste changes, especially his romantic preference he would attempt to quietly upscale. But their marriage institution is feeling it.

It is tough these days for men to stick to their first marital choices without moving their necks from one ideal feminine asset to the other. But, wise men like Ikenga Ezenwegbu, would rather stick with their first wives with pardonable distractions. I don’t wear neck braces hence, I exercise my neck after all "ka asị sị akụna nsi asịghị sị efena ajụ".

More alarming now is the surging cases of wives dumping their first husbands. This is rampant with those educated or liberated women who earn enough money to even answer the breadwinners or husbands in economic sense. To these kind of women, marriage can go to blazes if they cannot have absolute freedom.

This species of wives cheat back on their straying husbands and have no qualms about it. For them, it is a nerve calming revenge. This confident set of wives longer take nonsense from any gaddam husband. They have redefined marriage as partnership of equals.

One thing is certain - African men are now confused about the brand of marriage we have accepted from the Europeans which practices are incompatible with our traditional marriage  institutions.

The current marriage practices are not even entirely biblical. They are "cut and join".

My wife has refused to treat me the way Sarah treated Abraham. She doesn't even call me "my lord". She has also refused to treat me the way Rachel and Leah treated the lucky Jacob who, like Sarah, offered their beautiful maids to their husband to enjoy. My Bible did not record that Nnanyị Abraham or Jacob refused those offers. Sometimes, I regret I'm existing now.