OPINION: It is very immmoral for an Igbo girl to accept engagement ring without her parents' prior approval

Photo of Linda Ikeji and Charles Oputa (Charly Boy)

By Anayo M. Nwosu

It must stated that no Igbo girl is deemed married until her bride price is paid. Even a mere payment of a bride price is not enough. The traditional rites must be fulfilled otherwise full ancestral blessings of marriage may never be accessed by the Igbo girl involved.

I was scandalized to see some Igbo girls, especially those that are highly educated or live abroad, move into their male friends' houses after a bouts of kisses and love making. Some even legalise their abominable act by visiting the registry as matured adults to getting married according to British tradition.

As the Ikenga Ezenwegbu, the grandson of Nwosu Ezeechedolu who was the grandson of Ezeoguine Ezenwa, the late traditional hereditary ruler of Nnewi, Anambra State, I owe our girls a duty to let them know the process of getting married in our culture.

No well-breastfed Igbo girl would accept an engagement ring from a man who has not passed the background check of her parents. If an engagement ring is so important to a lover of an Igbo girl, it should be given with the approval of the families of the suitor and the girl.

I have checked the christian Bible and could not see a verse recommending someone giving or receiving an engagement ring. All in the Bible supports Igbo traditional marriage.

A man intent on marrying an Igbo girl must first approach the girl's father in company of his father or an elderly male relation. The suitor does not have to be present. His father or uncle in company of one or two persons could visit a would-be inlaw. Mission is announced, the girl's family would request for some time to run background checks on the prospective son-in-law and his family.

Background check have in the past revealed that the intended couple  are cousins who cannot marry.

It is only when the girl's family has accepted the marriage proposal of a suitor would the guy attempt to surprise a girl with an engagement ring at a party, shopping mall or even inside an aircraft.

How can anyone propose to an Igbo girl he may never eventually marry?

An Igbo girl can never give a suitor an assurance even if she receives a Porshe or Lambogini assurance from her boyfriend. She can only give assurance if her family approves the proposal.

No Igbo girl should pack into a man's house just because she received an engagement ring from him. She is simply aiding and abetting  "ohi ọtụ" or "stealing of pleasure belonging to her family without payment". The man must pay a bride price by himself or through a proxy before he is allowed to access the ancestral honey pot of an Igbo girl.

If a girl decides to move in to live with her husband after payment of bride price, she must ensure that the husband subsequently fulfill other requirements like the paying the entitlements to Ụmụ Ada, Ụmụ Nna, Ụmụ Okolobịa and Ndị Ichie which are either in cash or materials.

Many Igbo women who have outstanding marital debts have reported experiencing spiritual persecution of unknown origin. No prayer can exculpate the defaulter until the needful is done.

No sensible girl would sacrifice the essential ancestors' blessings released by the elders of her family during the traditional marriage ceremonies. No wonder many babymamas look confused and disoriented.

Every Igbo girl should note that if an improperly married woman dies, her kinsmen would demand from her husband or accomplice, the full payment or fulfilment of all the undone or outstanding marital obligations before she is buried.
It would even be worse if the dead lady didn't do enough to merit the christian heaven, she would have to settle for christian hell, and would never be allowed into the Igbo's land of ancestors.

Court and Church weddings are strange to Igbo culture. We all have been forced by our colonial masters and their church  brothers to accept them as legal and Godly but we must remain who we are. Instructive, payment of bride price must precede either the court or/and church wedding.

The modern sequence of marriage in Igbo land (especially in Anambra area) is:
1. Ịkụ aka n'ụzọ (introduction).
2. Ị bịa okwu  (Indication of Interest or Marriage Proposal by Suitors' Family).
3. Ị me ego (Bride Price Payment).
4. Ị gba nkwụ (Traditional Wedding where all relations of the bride collect their entitlements).
5. Amalụ m ụzọ ọgọ (Invitation by Son-in-law to inlaws to come know his house).
6. I du ụnọ (Sending off and settlement of a married daughter by her relations with household items or other assets to make her comfortable in her husband's home).

Court or church marriage for an Igbo bride can only happen after the bride price has been paid. Traditional marriage can come later.

No traditional man, not even her parent or Akaekpuchionwa of Nnewi, is allowed to eat any food prepared or served by any Igbo girl who has camped illegally with "onye ohi ọtụ" or "illegal bunkerer".