The Family Finances Quarrels: How I defeated my wife and earned more of her respect

By Anayo M. Nwosu

I was still intact when I graduated from University of Nigeria, Nsukka. My higher learnings and socialization didn’t change my traditional concept of husbanding a wife and the role of the man of the house at home, the way I watched my father, my uncles and other men around do it. I was looking forward to being the real man when I married.

A well breastfed Nnewi man picks all the bills at home. He would rather die than to live and be fed by his wife. He likes being the head in words and in deeds. That was what I believed until I met my wife.

My wife didn’t want Nnewi type of love. She is from Uga. She loved the admirable responsibility Nnewi men exhibit in marriage but not possessional type.

My wife wanted to be a partner not a typical wife. She wanted to build and grow with me. She wanted to be respected and not to be treated as a possession.

My wife would show me where it was written in the Bible that a man and his wife would become one. She wanted to know all I do and all I have.

I was thrilled by this new learning seen in my village only  in civil servant couples’ homes. Perhaps my wife learned the practice from her well educated parents. I reckoned that I could achieve more if I had access to my wife’s earnings.

24 months after my wedding, one elderly man from village who overheard me when I was advising an aspiring young husband to toe my method, called me to his house. He was educated and rich and had seen it all.

“Anayo, stop that stupid practice! Are you sure that you’re your father’s son?” he queried.

“You wife should support you and not compulsorily carry a burden of your home. If you saddle her with your house’s burden, how can she help her people or feel free to buy all she wants or has worked for? Did you train her in school? Go home and be an Nnewi husband!”, I was admonished.

I understood my kind adviser.

And I went home to become a repented Nnewi man. I worked harder to earn more. I changed jobs to increase my take home. My wife didn’t object to my new super provider status. And her respect for me grew.

A woman is happier in marriage if she supports the home and not being yoked as the main provider. Such a woman would happily spend on husband and in the family to be appreciated. This is the area my wife receives unparalleled accolades. She is a super sub and a helpmate.

Interestingly in my house, just like in most Anambra homes, “we” have money when I, the husband, have money. If madam has some money and I don’t have money, still “we” don’t have money. I don’t plan with my wife’s money. If I need her help, I nicely ask and show gratitude if I get. Any Nnewi man who doesn’t know this was either brought up somewhere else or is a civil servant.

There could instances when due to circumstances, a woman is forced to shoulder the burden of providing for the family. It has to be for short while. The man should not allow it to linger. He should do something that should at least enable him pick his bills.

I pray for all men not to lose their ability to provide for their families because a husband is economically defined as someone who provides more for the upkeep of the family.

Any man who does not provide for his family should curtail his libido. Many women so overburdened with house provisions tend to respond so slowly to lovemaking to their husbands. They would rather the man spends that raw energy to make money.

Some men amaze me. They would not provide for the family and still would want to sap their wives’ of the remaining energy to the extent that the wives wouldn’t even concentrate on her businesses or Jobs. Some overworked women get to their offices in the morning feeling drained, tired and confused.

Do you know that most of these young boys that wear earrings, whose flaps are bumpy and those guys who walk with swagger do care? Do don’t mind if their wives are the providers.

For them, being on top and making madam cry or making her make a loud noise is all that matters.