OPINION: Agonies Of Men That Marry Beautiful Or Attractive Women, By Anayo Nwosu

Many are sorrows of the husband of a beautiful or an attractive woman.

The husbands affected are not only those that married women adjudged beautiful by white man’s statistics but also others that have those physical attributes that could provoke most African men of all creed feel like doing legal or inappropriate copulation.

If your wife has enhanced hips or elevated backside or has assaultingly big and pointed boobs, you fall into this category. That’s actually what Africans see as beauty.

Most often, those wives from African descent later develop as a bonus, bigger or elevated backsides and enhanced laterally supported boobs depending on their diet, packaging and marital environment.

Influenced by my education, I went for a wife with western description of beauty. She was nurtured, intelligent, well primed, tall, slim, shapely and with mellifluous voice.

Right there at the venue of my traditional wedding, my uncle David Nduka, muttered into my ear, “nwokem ike dikwa gi !” meaning “my friend, be sure you have enough energy to contain the trouble you have just procured for yourself!”

I was to visit my uncle that very night after my traditional wedding to explain to me what he meant by his innuendo. One needed to seek clarification as the ways of the villagers are hideous.

And he was generous with his explanation.

“Anayo, I know you would come back to seek for explanation. You are the son of your father”, my uncle started wryly.

“Ghuchaa nti gi!” meaning “listen to me attentively!” Mr. Nduka demanded as he continued.

“Many husbands of very beautiful women die early due to high blood pressure.

“A beautiful woman is like an udara tree by the side of a high-traffic road. Men crave for and actually attempt to slam their machetes or palms on the udara tree.

“If you don’t satisfy your wife or you make your home very uncomfortable for her, be assured  that a lot of men out there have their ears on the ground and would be more than willing to comfort her. These include mostly of men of greater wealth and power than you.

“My brother, note that most men derive more pleasure in taking another man’s wife to unheralded orgasm.

“Most times, these predatory men ‘borrow’ power from performance enhancers like viagra or roots to give their prey memorable experience that make them feel that their husbands don’t love them.

“Anayo, the son of Obiukwu, I advise you to harvest the number of children you need back to back and leave your fate in the hands of God. No wife is beyond temptation. It takes a man as crooked as a serpent or powerful as David to decode and unlock your wife. If you doubt it, ask Eve, the wife of Adam or Betsheba, the wife of Uriah.

“No man has ever been able to succeed in policing his wife and his business or profession at the same time ”, Mr Nduka concluded.

Even though I had harvested my kids back to back, I was never worried about the possibility of losing my wife to predators until one day when I was to undergo a delicate surgery.

Doctors had told me that something could go wrong and that I might die or that best become a vegetable.

While I was busy thinking about my life and was asking God to forgive my sins and to welcome me into heaven if I died, I overheard my supposedly best friend comforting my apprehensive wife, assuring her that she would lose nothing if I did not make it. That he would be there for her.

Can you imagine that?

My friend even voiced his intention, revealing his comforting words so audibly enough for me to hear. But, I was more engrossed with my impending operation while noting my friend’s occupational ambition.

To the surprise of the surgeon and the anesthetist that performed the surgery, I woke up long before the anesthesia wore off.

The first statement I uttered when I woke up was: “where is my wife?” And she was happy to hear that. She felt that I must have regarded her as the most important possession I treasured.

I have come to learn from experience that any man who resolves to marry a woman who has in excess what other men desire or has those attributes other men want to taste, is like that man who drives a new eye-catching one-in-town car. Even when parked, people would still go watching it with probing eyes.

Men will always mope at a beautiful or heavily endowed woman everywhere she goes. Some diehard men often brave it to touch or initiate conversation with intention to covert.

I thank God that I listened to my uncle and took to his advise not to police my wife or to bother myself over all those friends of mine and her acquaintances including her office colleagues that daily give her breast-depressing hugs in the name of greetings.

Today is my wife’s 16th birthday since I married her and she is still in my house. To the glory of God, I have not died of hypertension.