How A 73 Years Old Father Of My Friend Committed Suicide By Anayo Nwosu

Friends and well wishers of Ichie Akwaraike were relieved when they learnt that he had decided to remarry four years after the death of his wife. He was so close to the wife and nearly would have died of heartache from grief few days after Imianamma, the wife died.

What those who were so concerned about Akwaraike's seemingly loneliness didn't know was that the 73 years old man had made up his mind to marry Nkeonyelu, a notorious woman known to randy men in the community as one of the best in making a man cry a loud ecstatic cry.

Akwaraike had heard about the happiness giving skills of Nkeonyelu from his friend Mgbaike, who was a regular visitor to Nkeonyelu's cave of sweetness.

In a feat of selfishness, Ichie Akwaraike decided to appropriate Nkeonyelu for himself alone to a great displeasure of the regular visitors to the happiness dispensing treasure place of the woman most of them fondly called "Nkem".

Nkeonyelu didn't bargain to turn out the way she ended up. That she had specialized in masculine happiness dispensing was not entirely her making alone. Her husband, now late, abandoned her two years into their marriage for another woman on the excuse that she was no good in bed.

Deflated and with bruised ego, Nkeonyelu decided to hone her bedmatic skills by reading widely and watching pornographic films. She also had a willing Akpunku, a returnee stallion of a man from Congo, to coach her to great performance levels that made her a very sought after bed warmer.

Nkeonyelu could make a man sing a new song better than the owner of the song. Some men while being handled by her say nonsensical things like "m jie akwa egotalum gi London" meaning "when I travel to clothes I will buy you London" or "kill me make i die!"

The few men she decided to entertain were never annoyed whenever she was not available as they had come to realize that none of them could satisfy Nkeonyelu as a kept woman. She needed to be shared as subscribers to a company.

She was a woman beyond jealousy as a chunk of her services was a mouthful of long lasting experience to any of her lucky patrons who showered with gifts and money.

Nkeonyelu's physique was an art work with finely defined contours that seemed to have developed and rounded over the years to put most men in a permanent lure. What men saw in her as an attraction as she walked pass was a tip of an iceberg to the happiness she could produce with a masterful use of her waist, hand and mouth when lights were out.

With no husband and with a need for economic security, Nkeonyelu, even though in her late 30s, couldn't resist the marriage proposal from Ichie Akwaraike, who was a very wealthy man in the town and a former warrior in bed.

Egwuatu was his given name of Ichie Akwaraike but he took a title of "Akwaraike" which means "a menacingly strong tendon or an unbreakable root" much later in life. He was a "happening guy" while growing up.

That was how Ichie Akwaraike, a widower and a 73-year old man married Nkeonyelu in spite of wise counsel, primarily to enjoy alone what many unhappily married men around used to make up for their wives' drab performances in bed.

At the funeral ceremony of Ichie Akwaraike, three weeks after his wedding, only the former male associates of Nkeonyelu could tell what killed her new husband.

They felt that Ichie Akwaraike committed suicide.

Nonetheless, the younger men were very happy that Nkeonyelu would become available again to service "mankind".

But, Ichie Akwaraike died a happy man as he kept shouting "ife nkea ator gbuo m ooo" meaning "the sweetness of this thing is killing me ooo" before the cardiac arrest. The tempo was to much for him at his age and his heart packed up.

It pains me that many more elderly men in Nigeria are still choosing to die carelessly like Ichie Akwaraike, by bidding for jobs or pleasure their ageing bodies cannot carry.