OPINION: Why an Igbo father would never visit his daughter's home until a particular ritual is performed, by Anayo Nwosu

By Anayo M. Nwosu

Chief Imeigbo was so obviously aggrieved that his daughter, Nneoma  had died while giving birth to her second child.

However, he made it very clear to Bonny, his son-in-law, who had come with his people to officially inform him about the funeral arrangements that, he  would not be part of the funeral activities.

Chief Imeigbo was neither a bad man nor a member of a secret society. He was being withheld by Igbo tradition.

Upon hearing the news of his daughter's death, he cut short his engagements in the U.K. to return to Nigeria.

The high chief  drove straight to the hospital to ascertain what happened and to see the corpse of his daughter.

He cried all his cries there and cleaned his eyes.

She was his favorite child.

Bonny had married Nneoma right after she completed her masters degree.

He had paid the bride price in full, did the traditional wedding, wedded his wife in the court and in the church and felt justified to immediately impregnate her.

Chief Imeigbo had on many occasions reminded his young son-in-law of an outstanding marriage rite known as "amalum uzo ogo" which is an official invitation by a son-in-law and his relations, of his father-in-law and his relatives to come know where their daughter's husband's home.

Only Bonny and his wife could explain why they did not attach any importance or urgency to this important marriage rite.

The ceremony is also known as "ogo bia malu ani" which is simply translated to mean "let the inlaws come know where their daughter lives".

By leaving it undone, it has become a dangling bone hanging midway inside the throat. This dereliction has put everybody under uncomfortable condition.

"Ogo bia malu ani" or "Amalum uzo ogo" is usually performed after a son-in-law has fulfilled all other traditional marriage obligations.

Many couples do the the "amalum uzo ogo" before or after the church wedding.

It is during the "amalum uzo ogo" that the relations of the bride would give her the final gifts to support her new home.

On the day of ceremony, the groom and his  people are expected to give gifts of cloths to the parents and aunties of his bride.

It is usually a meeting of extended families of the bride and the groom. Friends and well-wishers are not invited. Food and drinks are served to cement the marital link or bridge.

In Nnewi, no daughter whose "amalum uzo ogo" has not been done would be given a final settlement by her father or his heir in a tradition known as "idu uno".

"Idu uno" could be done during the inlaws' visitation, or at the church wedding reception or at any convenient or inconvenient time as the case may be.

During "idu uno" or final settlement of a married daughter, her family shall buy her all that is used in a woman's kitchen and bed room.

The bride is also gifted seed crops of all Nnewi's native plants. Also gifted are small hen and cock, young he and she goats and many more.

Many rich men in Nnewi are known to handover the keys of new houses and new vehicles to their favorite daughters at the final settlement ceremony.

But, in all cases, the family concerned would spill its blood according to its body mass as no one is expected to steal to please their daughters inlaws.

It is apt to note that the venue of "amalum uzo ogo" or inlaws' visitation is not the newly married abode in the city but their house in the husband's hometown.

If  the newly married is yet to build his own house, the ceremony is held in his father's house or at the meeting venue of the extended family known as "Ama Obi".

The whole essence of this important marriage ceremony is to formally show the wife's people the exact location of the new home, village or town of their sister or daughter in case there arises a need for an official or casual visit.

When Nneoma had her first child, she was not expecting her father to visit her at home; she was grateful for her father's hospital visit because she knew that she and her husband were owing the tradition.

When a couple fails to perform the inlaws' invitational rite, the tradition only allows the mother alone to visit her daughter's home during "omugwo" or " a mother's 3-month stay with a daughter to help nurse her daughter her new born baby ".

The siblings of the daughter in question can also visit her but never would the father.

It was not a surprise when Nneoma's funeral was shifted by a week by her husband's people to do the needful.

They had to. Otherwise they could go ahead to bury their dead wife without the participation of her family or to return the corpse to her father for burial in his own house.

Bonny's extended family members were not in short supply of men versed in Igbo tradition.

The elders decided that it was appropriate to perform a posthumous "amalum uzo ogo" for Nneoma to clear traditional huddles preventing her relations from participating in her funeral rites .

On the appointed date, all the relatives of Chief Imeigbo attended the "amalum uzo ogo". It was not a joyous occasion but it was a necessity.

Trust the natives, all the drinks and food provided were finished even with heavy hearts of loss of a daughter and a wife.

The ceremony done, Chief Imeigbo and his kinsmen were able to participate in the funeral of Nneoma, their beloved daughter and a sister.

Are you married to an Igbo woman? Please ensure that you have officially invited and shown your wife's relations to your family home.

The ceremony can only be deferred but never waived especially in Nnewi and environs.

If the living failed to do it, the living must get it done at an inconvenient time.