The Good Story, By Kainene Cjn

COULD THE LAST PERSON PLEASE TURN OFF THE LIGHTS?

You see, it's like a good story. It has a main plot which has bears a tragic message at the end. But like a good story, it has several narratives, several sub plots. You choose the one that pleases you most.


You may choose to concentrate on the hope that greeted the 29th of May. Bright, exuberant sun. Beautiful combination of colours and confidence at the Eagle square. Yes! We have concluded a presidential election. There was no riot, no demonstration. An incumbent had lost. Unthinkable! And not just that, he had congratulated his opponent. Ecstatic! That opponent, I mean, the new president has just promised us that, "I belong to everybody. I belong to nobody". Surreal! Oh! Where's the cocky CIA that predicted there will be no country by 2015? But wait, is there still a country?

You may pick the narrative of the anxious and crippling wait that accompanied the ministerial list. "Oh! The President was just taking his time we were told. He needs to unearth honest technocrats. You know how these honest Nigerians behave. Some of them have gone to live in the moon. The previous administration was so horrible. So, alot of them left earth to live in the moon; to be close to God. Please be patient. The President has to fly up there and convince them to come down here. Plead with them that sanity has returned; that change is here". Lie told us to be patient. We believed Lie. Something we no longer do these days. We have since found out that Lie, like Plotinus's Nous, excretes lies unconsciously. It's not his fault. So we waited. The economy waited. Foreign investors waited. But shouldn't the President have unearthed these honest Nigerians when he first decided to run? Well, months later, the list was published. What was saddening was that these Nigerians do not live in the moon. We had seen them on the campaign rallies. What was dispiriting, something many people did not notice, was that the list confirmed that no honest Nigerian was below 45 years. But the youths are leaders of tomorrow. Ah! How true. Tomorrow indeed. Not today.

Marx believed that the essence of human struggle is simply economics. So, for many people the most important storyline is the economic recession. We were told it's just a word. You know, like a mirage or spirits. You don't see it, feel it or touch it. But I think I'm suffering a different type of recession. I can see my own recession. I can touch it, negotiate with it, feel it. I see it everyday in the streets of Abuja. I saw it yesterday when my neighbor, a rather extravagant man who works in one of the ministries that has more staffs than work, bellowed his car horn behind me as I was leaving the house in the morning. He gestured me to hop in. I thanked him profusely as I wondered what earned me this kind gesture. He replied, "Barr. You are welcome. It's N150. Or are you dropping at Berger? That's N100". It dawned on me immediately. It's recession. You see it in the phenomenal increase in prices of foodstuffs. You see it in the lowering of the prices of the wares displayed only at nights in Wuse II. No be who don chop, go buy that one? But admittedly, the economic downslope didn't start with this government. It's but a culmination of a process. But what baffles, is the lack of understanding of the problem by the present government. It's hard to understand that when businesses can't obtain forex, we make judicious efforts to allocate same for religious excursions or sorry, pilgrimages. What baffles is that we ve bailed out state governments and within months, they are in need of another bail out. And nobody is asking any questions.

You may be attracted by sub plot that portrays the painful, dying gasps of our fundamental human rights. Gone are the times we bandied about words like 'clueless, weak, moron' when describing the President. Now even half hearted and objective criticisms are prefixed by meaningless phrases like: "in my honest opinion, not to sound rude, I'm not sure but if you ask me, it appears like". And after those trite phrases comes a much more triter statements like; "the arrest of the judges is actually interesting". Really? Or "the budget padding allegations is actually intriguing". Oyibo. We understand. Don't bother explaining. It's fear. Fela said "my people no wan die". Sometimes, I take a trip to the Facebook walls of my friends who, like me, were vocal during the last administration. Are they still alive? Why are they so quiet? But not all of them are so quiet. Some of them have become Facebook comedians. They post a picture of a scantily dressed lady and ask us, "what do  you see"? Others now strictly discuss only football on their walls. No matter, what you say of Arsene Wenger, DSS would not invite you. I don't want to talk about the White haired Professor. It seems he is on sabbatical. Or has the "man died"?

You may be intrigued by the hardening of lines in our politics, by the idea that no dissident could be patriotic, by the urge to stand by our team in all issues. Had Christ not said it, "anyone who is not for you is against you." Today, we deify or demonize politicians depending on which party they belong to. There's no middle ground now in our politics. Neurality no longer means objectivity. It no longer means reasoned or impartial. Neutrality is a bad word. 

We ve a Messiah who is without blemish and demons who are beyond redemption. We are that nation now. Throw up any topic on the social media and see as opinions follow party, religious or ethnic lines with surgical precision. Ah! Why wouldn't we be? We are a nation that had no problem voting for presidential candidates who participated in no debate. A Messiah has nothing to prove. A demon has nothing to say. 

You may be taken in by the fight against corruption. You may be taken in by narrowing of prosecutable offences (corruption offences only), by the narrowing of the definition of corruption, or by the narrowing of prosecutable culprits (just anyone not in the ruling party). It's chilling if you can predict who the EFCC will go after next by just asking, "who is the loudest mouth in the opposition party"? You may be taken in by the childish hope that all we needed to fight corruption is 'one strong man'. But what we need is a strong system codified by strong, workable laws. What we need is a self purging system, not the purging caprice of a strong man.

This story took another turn over the weekend as the DSS arrested some judges they alleged to be corrupt. No doubt, the judiciary like other arms of government have bad eggs. But the judiciary is the conscience of any nation. Therefore, evidence of corruption among judicial officers is the worst corruption. (Corruptio optimi perssimi).  But what leaves a sour taste is the manner of the arrest. The symbols used in every message is an indication of what the real message is. The DSS invaded the judges in the dead of the night with an overwhelming force for a reason. To pass a message that we are unpredictable like armed robbers. And we would go to any length to hurt you down. That message is for, not necessarily every corrupt judge, but for the whole judiciary. 

But there's a more sinister absurdity done to our psyche in all of this. Criminal trials usually last more than 2years. Expectedly, the judges will get a bail on their first day in court. Nothing in law stops you from performing your duties merely because you have a criminal charge hanging on your head. So, soon we would have judges convicting criminals today while appearing the next day in the dock to testify in their own trial. Depending on how long the trials last, we may soon be having a CJN with criminal charges hanging on his head. The NJC cannot suspend the judges now because that will be seen as preemption of the court. 

But this was coming along time ago. It was coming since this unhealthy fraternity between judges and politicians became more pronounced. It was coming since the judges appeared undisturbed when the DSS refused to obey the bail orders granted to those in their custody. It's only a while before the same people move in on them. Had Martin Niemoller not warned us that when we remain silent as injustice ravages our neighbor, the same injustice will deal with us eventually?

So, whatever narrative you choose, you will come to the tragic conclusion that this place is bleak. Or, as Karl Maier put it, "This house has fallen". Life is no longer possible like this. So, put off the television, draw close the curtains, lock up the doors. Could the last person out please turn off the lights?