Who Really Are Your Friends?

THINK of all the people with whom you interact during the course of a day, week, month and year. The many souls with whom you might exchange a greeting or give a warm embrace; engage in chitchat or have a deeper conversation. All those who, by some accident of fate, inhabit your world. And then ask yourself who among them are your friends — your true friends.

They only call when they want something: all friendships should be equal – which means that you should receive as much as you put in, it’s all based on reciprocation and mutuality. If you’re putting in more than you’re getting out, you should think twice about what they are asking from you.


• They put you down or make fun of you infront of others: a definite no-no. Usually people do this because they feel bad about themselves and want to use somebody else as a distraction. Draw a line over any friendships like this immediately.

• You feel bad about yourself when you’ve spent time with them: sometimes it’s difficult to analyse behaviour, but your emotions never lie. Friends should make you feel good, empowered and uplifted. If you leave them feeling like crap then you should probably re-evaluate the benefit you’re getting from the friendship. Some people, unfortunately, just like to bring others down.

• They are aggressively competitive: it’s good to be a little competitive now and again, but like most things – you can have too much of a good thing. A friendship based on competitive behaviour is never healthy or a true friendship.

• They aren’t happy for you when good things happen: this is one of the most common tell-tale signs and it’s also based on competitive behaviour. A true friend will want to see you succeed and be happy.

• They bring drama into your life: it’s usually the people who spend their time moaning about drama who are the ones causing it. You don’t need that negativity around you.

• They bitch about you behind your back: an absolute n0-no. Friendships need to be based on mutual respect and trust. Don’t put up with that crap.

• Your relationship feels like it’s built on conditionality: this is likewise for all relationships in your life. You should feel like they are unconditional and not based on you being or acting in a certain way.

• They bail on you: sometimes it happens and that’s fine, but if it’s consistent then it obviously shows that your friend is unreliable and much less invested in the friendship than you are. Maybe it’s your turn to bail on them, permanently.

• They use your secrets against you and share them: this is malicious and absolutely nothing a true friend would ever do.

• They are a bad influence and make you do things that get you into trouble: nip this in the bud before you end up getting yourself into trouble. Friends don’t make friends do bad things… or text when drunk, but we’ll turn a blind eye to that one… for now.

• They talk about their other friends behind their back: if they do this, the chances are, they do it to you too. It’s fine to have a moan occasionally, but anything malicious would probably indicate that they aren’t as genuine as they’d like you to believe.

• They bail when you need them the most: so there are friends, who are, well… friends and there are friends who are still your friends at 3am on a Wednesday morning in the midst of your breakdown. The latter are your friends for life and it’s important to know that you can rely on a few select individuals to be by your side through thick and thin.

People come and go and it is rare that a friend will be by your side for life. It’s hard to go through but it’s just part of growing up. It can be scary confronting or walking away from somebody who you once considered a friend but your esteem and integrity are much more important than trying to keep somebody happy who doesn’t give a damn about you.